Humor File

                   NEW WORDS FOR THE 90'S

Blamestorming:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager:  A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
poops on everything and then leaves.

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce
the  employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators
         running.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the
couch potato.

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly
in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see
what's going on.

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and
one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in
divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out
         and whiny.

Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
       because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation
         from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class;
         the rest were just tourists."

Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material,
         such as books.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
         workplace.

Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing
         it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of
         postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

Alpha Geek:  The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person
         in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around
         here."

Assmosis:  The process by which some people seem to absorb
success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than
working hard.

Flight Risk:  Used to describe employees who are suspected of
         planning to leave a company or department soon.

GOOD Job:  A "GetOutOfDebt" job. A wellpaying job people take
in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as
soon as they are solvent again.

Irritainment:  Entertainment and media spectacles that are
         annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching
         them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

Percussive Maintenance:  The fine art of whacking the heck out
         of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Uninstalled:  Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail
         of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have
         reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please
         dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance."
         See also Decruitment.
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