Humor File

            WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN!
    
"I'm going fishing."
Really means...  "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and 
stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in 
complete safety."
    
"Woman driver."
Really means....  "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make 
obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me." 
    
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means....  "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red,
yellow, 
lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides 
white."
    
"It's a guy thing."
Really means....  "There is no rational thought pattern connected
with 
it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." 
    
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means....  "Why isn't it already on the table?" 
    
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means.... Absolutely nothing.  It's a conditioned response
like 
Pavlov's dog drooling.
    
"Good idea."
Really means.... "It'll never work.  And I'll spend the rest of
the day 
gloating."
    
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means.... "I've just spent our last  $30 on a cordless drill."
    
"My wife doesn't understand me."
Really means.... "She's heard all my stories before, and she's tired 
of them."
    
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means....  "I have no idea how it works." 
    
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means.... "The batteries in the remote are dead." 
    
"I got a lot done."
Really means....  "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture." 
    
"You cook just like my mother used to."
Really means.... "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
    
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." 
    
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means.... "Are you still talking?"
    
"That's women's work."
Really means.... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless." 
    
"Will you marry me?"
Really means.... "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the 
washer, and  there is no more peanut butter."
Return to Humor Files