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A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman that I want to marry. She is a Native American and her name is 'Shooting Star.'" "How nice," says his mother. "I have an Indian name too-it is 'Running River.' You have to call me that from now on." "How nice," says his mother. "You have to have an Indian name too, Mom." "I do," says the mother. "Just call me "Sitting Shiva." ----- This rabbi is walking down the street and passes a McDONALD'S to his amazment he sees a guy from his shul sitting there and having lunch. The shocked rabbi stands there and waits till the person comes out . . . "Why did you eat here? Don't you know this is a non kosher place . . . I'm standing here and watching you the whole time and you're still eating????" The guy smiles and answers the rabbi, "If you were standing here the whole time then I guess it was under rabbinical supervision!!!!!" ------ During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up... The rabbi,learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat said, "Then the tradition is to sit during Shema!" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "But the congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..." The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"

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