Humor File

             O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it trashed your system, but you just 
can't
prove it.

 LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS: Turns your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy.

 BILL CLINTON VIRUS: Does whatever the other viruses are doing.

 BOB DOLE VIRUS: Tries to act virulent.

 NEWT GINGRICH VIRUS: Only trying to optimize the system, honest.

 ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
 Small, powerful and very badly wants to run the whole computer.

 DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Just another virus.

 COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Used to be an application. Now refuses to do
anything.

 GORBACHEV VIRUS: Breaks up your computer system into its individual
components.

 JIMMY CARTER VIRUS: Now completely harmless.

 WOODY ALLEN VIRUS: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a 
daughter
card.

 TONYA HARDING VIRUS: Turns your .bat files into lethal weapons.

 PAUL REVERE VIRUS: Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by 
LAN,
2  if by C:/.

 GALLUP VIRUS: Infects a tiny piece of your computer, but believes
its    results are equivalent to infecting your entire computer.

 CIGARETTE LOBBY VIRUS: Can prove to you that it's completely 
harmless.

 PEPSI VIRUS: Not quite as good as that other virus.

 MARLON BRANDO VIRUS:
 Has had little success in multiplying, but keeps getting bigger and
 bigger.

 ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

 CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Only does anything while you're watching it on
the  monitor.

 AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Seattle, but your data is in Singapore.

 THE MEDIA VIRUS: Does nothing but pick on the other viruses.

 BILL GATES VIRUS: Probably wrote all the other viruses, to suit its
own  needs.

 GERALD FORD VIRUS: A totally lovable virus that keeps bumping its 
head.

 JOHN F. KENNEDY VIRUS: Was wiped out by the system. I just know it.

 PBS VIRUS: Best quality virus, but no one pays any attention to it.

 CIA VIRUS: Doesn't exist. Whoops, it does? Now its the NSA virus.
 Hmmmm, you found the NSA virus? Suddenly it's the (name- withheld) 
virus.

 POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
 Not a virus; an electronic micro-organism that has every right to
 exist.

 OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.


 JOEY BUTTAFUACO VIRUS: Only attacks minor files.

 MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS: Preys on child processes.

 JANE FONDA VIRUS: Attacks your hard drive*s FAT.

 OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
 First it's a big file, then a small file, then a big file, ...

 IRS VIRUS: Impounds your computer before you can finish
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